August 15, 2004
dead mans curve
last night i drove on dead mans curve. i couldn't believe how much fuss was made for that one little curve. sure, it's dangerous for truckers who don't slow down, but you should have seen all the signs.
huge yellow signs with blinking lights announcing "35 MPH CURVE - 1 MILE AHEAD" and then "35 MPH CURVE - 1/2 MILE AHEAD" then little grooves in the pavement that make lots of noise when you go over them for extra alertness. i wonder how many people have actually died there and if it actually deserves the title of "dead mans curve". i don't feel like pondering over it any longer.
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i'm in another mood where i worry about losing jason. i wrote him an email last night and he didn't write back and friday was not one of our best days, so i'm worrying. last night i went to bed thinking: "i'll bet he does want to break up with me, but he can't because i always ask if he wants to or not and so far he's always said 'no' but now he wants to, what will i do if he leaves me?"
deep down i know the answer, but i'm still afraid because i love him terribly. but the longer we're together the more i worry that he's getting sick of me and that if he does break up with me, the more it will hurt.
and my mother is constantly reminding me that we're both young and serious relationships that you have when you're young don't last.
worry worry worry. stupid worrying. stupid love. ugh. my head hurts. and not from worrying.
needingalex at 1:50 p.m.