March 06, 2007
questioning
i'm writing only because i'm depressed.
because right now i'm scared to think it, or even right it. my life feels like it's in shambles. how dare i, right?
i'm torn between wanting to sleep and write and cry and listen to music. stay away from everyone else and let myself be miserable and deal.
and the other option, lying to myself, pretending everything is okay, and destroy myself in all new ways.
i feel like i can't even tell the difference between right and wrong at the moment. usually deep inside the answer is utterly obvious. but not right now.
i'm tired, and i should sleep. but my thoughts and feelings are so close to the surface. we're connected. and sometimes i hate to break that connection.
maybe this all goes back to the fact that depression is such a major part of who i am. or at least i think it is. being with brendan has been making me question things A LOT. myself and what i believe, and worst of all (or best, depending on how you look at it) who i am.
god i thought i was fucking over that question. hmmm...no wonder i wear that necklace every day.
i could be graceful and melodramatic at the end of this, but instead i'll opt with: FUCK THIS.
needingalex at 2:34 a.m.