December 05, 2010
functioning
wow. reading my past entries is depressing. probably because i was really depressed back then. makes sense.
there's not really a point to updating this except to keep a record for my sake. i'm getting older, and i don't trust my mind to retain things. i was thinking recently how it was nice when i kept a steady diary/journal because i could actually remember what happened a week ago last friday.
these days they end up blending together and besides my lovely trips with lance, nothing significant enough happens in my day to day life.
buuuut that's the way it is for most everyone, now isn't it? you can't use up your memory to store away mundane details. you save the important ones. still, it's nice to have some sort of record to look back on, to recall all those days and hours spent becoming who you are today.
this diary has been wonderful in that way. because i put so much into it, spent so much time writing, that even when i go back years later and reread things, i can almost see myself writing it and remember what i was feeling during my teenage years.
i can't belive i'm 24 years old. i started this diary 10 years ago. tiem flies...and since time is relative it goes by faster the older you get. in a lot of ways i still feel like a teenager. i'm still growing and changing...hell i've made some of the biggest mistakes of my life in just the past few years! but then again, your problems get bigger the older you get as well.
but when i think about it...a lot of my friends, former and not, are married and/or have children, are living as fully functioning adults, etc.
however, in a lot of ways i think i'm a lot stronger emotionally than a lot of other people my age, who are making mistakes that are permanent. or who seem like fully fuctioning adults from a distance, but who are completely at a loss when you take a closer look.
another day awaits me. i wonder what it will bring. and guess what? even though i've got my problems...everything is just...fine. :-)
needingalex at 12:55 a.m.