December 19, 2006
too much
things have been hard lately. this new relationship is taking a toll on me, it's so up and down.
i want so badly to live life. to go out with friends, to have more new relationships, to learn.
no matter how much i've been telling myself that things have changed, it's obvious they haven't. life is still at a halt. and i wonder if i'm to blame.
i've been wearing my question mark necklace with unfaultering devotion, and i've been holding onto it more than i'd like.
i feel like i'm invisible. why is it that other guys look at a girl and feel something...they must see me and not even blink.
i'm questioning myself much too much, and when i called jason crying yesterday night...he told me he saw how amazing i was.
that he loved me.
that he wanted to spend his life with me.
that brendan didn't see what he saw in me.
i cried. took a bath. and now i'm sitting here at a loss. watching a movie that's too emotional for me in my state.
i guess i just have to try harder. but i'm begging the world to see me. i'm here and i'm amazing.
needingalex at 7:13 p.m.