January 13, 2010
RAAAAANT
nobody can offer me any advice for this incredibly stupid problem that i have gotten myself into.
loooong story short:
met an amazingly attractive, successful man at my work. "dated" him for about two months when i found out that he was married with two kids.
so, since i'm me, i decided to choose the WRONG path and continued to see him.
found out that his marriage is in shambles, claims that he would have never married her if he hadn't knocked her up.
he can be very sweet to me, and has said certain things that make me think he really likes me.
however, he complains constantly about his wife and tonight calls me up half drunk and half near tears talking about how he hates his wife, she's always fucking with his emotions and life. he says she's immature and a loser, that she's unreasonable, etc, etc.
and i believe him for some reason because the whole situation seems quite realistic to me. it happens all the damn time...people are so fucking stupid. both of them. birth control? NOT fucking a girl you claim you are not into? having not one but TWO kids? getting married? IDIOTS!!!!
so the things that are going through MY mind as a woman are things that i can't address to him because that's the last thing he fucking needs, is another woman bitching at him.
but HE dragged me into this mess and now MY feelings are a moot point because apparently i'm just his little fuck toy.
he says that i'm "a nice person." wow. thanks. i am apparently everything is wife isn't, kind, thoughtful, always listen, give him sex, etc, etc. and YET i really feel i am worth jack shit to him except as someone to bitch to and to fuck. nothing else.
feelings my ass...he has no feelings for me that i can see.
i bought him a xmas gift, he said he had one for me but i still haven't gotten it. says he will take me out shopping, or to lunch...that never happens.
he stands me up on a regular basis, but of course that's okay because he has a wife and kids and a job and school and family to deal with. so i am the last person on his list. i should know that though!! i knew what this was but of course MY STUPID FEELINGS are getting in the way!!!
so now i am sitting here listening to him talk about this horrible situation he's in and i am thinking "god, this is the last thing i need!"
i didn't want any drama!! i wanted someone to actually treat me right for once!! ARRRGH i feel like punching someone, especially me because i feel like the only person to blame here is ME. well, he does hold some of the blame too.
and of COURSE i am not going to tell his wife, or tell him what i really think because I LIKE HIM and i don't want to be a bitch. and i don't want to lose him even though i don't even HAVE him.
so his life is fucked and MY life is fucked. so fuck.
i feel so bad for him but i am also so fucking pissed at him. so i'm just going to bite my fucking tongue and see what happens. like the idiot I AM.
at least i'm not as much of an idiot as they are. phew.
needingalex at 12:36 a.m.